League of Unsavory Gentlemen


(I know Matt has the conch, but here’s my bonus section)

Turrets Tourettes. It was no big deal, like 5% of gnomes had it! “Fuck that ass!” God, it felt so good to get out in the open, away from everybody. Bard’s school had been a nightmare. “Row, row, row your boat, gently down the DONKEY-PUNCHING SHITHOLE!” Ruler to the knuckles. “Twinkle, twinkle, little FUCK-FACE RIMJOB!” 10 lashes from Headmaster Greenwell in the courtyard. “Ring around the Rosie, a pocket full of CUM-GUZZLING FUCK QUEERS!” That one got him 2 days in the hole. But he eventually conquered his disease — mostly. He had spent all of college and the years since waging an internal war against himself. Outwardly, he was the renowned Justinius J. Justinius, but inside the disease was always lurking, constantly trying to escape, contained only by his supreme willpower. But on occasion the disease must have its way, or it would eat away at even a man so great as Justinius. So whenever he got time alone, a break from his relentless duties and the droves of mindless underlings who relied utterly on him for guidance, he would escape off into the wilderness where nobody could hear him and let loose a hail of profanities at the woodland creatures, “BITCH SHIT WHORE! FUCK THAT ASS!”

By: Mike, 05/12/12


I vote this as “bonus material” to eventually be included in the George Lucas Special Edition, and not presently part of the canon, as Matt’s solution in his section is ripe for ensuing hilarity. Just a thought.


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